Well-Deserved Dad Jokes

I've been wating in the restroom for 20 minutes, and no one has washed my hands! But the sign clearly says "Employees must wash hands."

I was incredibly surprised when the stationery store moved.

Mario was ordered to pay a $100,000 fee. The court said it's a fine, but he replied, "No, its a-not!"

Five out of every four people are bad with fractions.

I gave Vin diesel a comb last Christmas. He told me he'd never part with it.

So, this midget climbed down a prison wall. Which was a little con, descending.

I taught my goldfish to break dance! For 30 seconds, one time.

This waiter offered a box for my left-overs. I said, Nah, but I'll wrestle you for 'em!

A failed farmer became a dubstep performer instead. At least he can still drop some beets.

Everyone says I'm the cheapest person they know. But I'm not buying it.

I wondered why that frisbee kept getting bigger. And then, it just hit me.

If you're not feeling very well, try taking off your gloves.

Ever wonder why the ocean doesn't leak out? It's because of all the seals.

Have you heard about the fire at the circus? It was in tents.

I just finished my first jigsaw puzzle! The box said 3 to 5 years but it only took me 2.

Poisons I through III kill you instantly. But poison IV is just mildly irritating.

I bought shoes from a guy in an alley. But the way he laced them, I've ben tripping all day.