The Dad Joke Diet

I bought a horse, to race it. But all my friends bet on the horse.

The Norwegians have a fatastic method for recording ships. They Scan da navy in.

I tried to donate blood. But they kept asking questions like, "Who's blood is this?"

I once delivered a baby. But the parents, furious, demanded the liver back.

There was a tragic accident at a cheese store. De brie was everywhere.

Cows have hooves instead of feet because they lack toes.

I once complained that my fish was too dry. But the waiter explained, "We had to take it from the water."

Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies prefer bananas.

I bought a wig for 25 cents. It was a small price toupees.

My uncle told me, You don't always get what you pay for." A lovely man, but a terrible delivery driver.

I found a low-impact workout! I've started doing diddly-squats.

I love telling dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs!

They told me I'm colorblind. That diagnoses was completely out of the orange.

My ex wanted me to impersonate a flamingo. But I put my foot down.