Joke's on me

Like lots of classic jokes, that title has at least two meanings. The first, of course, means the joke is about me, and I admit it. But today, what I mean is a bunch of jokes I payed for. Or at least researched, so you don't have to. Really, just a grab-bag of laughs, from every different category (That I can think of.) If ou're a regular, you might have heard one before. But hopefully, you'll laugh anyay. And now, Ladies and gentlemen, let's get into it!

So, one time, Sven and Olly were out fishing. Olly, at one point, pulls out a lamp, rubs it, and out comes a Genie! He wishes to catch a big fish, and this huge salmon jumps in the boat. Sven asks to try, and wishes for the best ever fihing pole. Suddenly, his cell phone rings. He answers to find it's a Nigerian prince. At which point Olly explains, "Sorry. English is his second language."

I lost my job at the barbershop. They said I didn't make the cut.

If your pants didn't have holes in strategic locations, you couldn't get your legs in.

My Uncle was a decorated war hero, despite his disability. In WWII, he got drafted. It was only afterward that anyone diagnosed his dyslexia. But they needed every man so they consigned him to the mess hall. After Pearl Harbor, he recied a commendation. Apparently, he faced the bombing, all buns glazing.

Seagulls fly over the Sea, becase if they flew over the Bay, they'd be Bagels.

I'm thining of buying a Mercedes. But it doesn't have to be Ben's.

There once was a chicken. He worked 9-5, like anybody else. He had a nice enough house, a decent car, but he was bored. Then, one day, the chicken crossed the road. Such a small thing. But he made history.

I just finished my fourth year as a freshman, at U.C.L.A. I'm studying vetrinary science, because I just love children!

They've had to prohinit dish soap in the Mediteranian. Apparently, some are a little too tough on Greece.

My greatest achievement was savng the rain forest. Cafe logo to my desktop.