Dusting Off Dad Jokes

How can you recognze a private tutor? They never fart in public.

My boss told me, "You should have been here 8:30." So I asked, "Why, what happened?"

My ex screamed "Have you listened to a word I sad?" And I thought, that's a wierd start to a conversation.

I asked the doctor if I could give myself anesthetic. He said, "Knock ourself out!"

Apparently, there's a shortage of red crayons among nurses. They keep drawing blood.

My brother was cooking, and asked for some quiet. So, I pulled the batteries from the smoke detector.

I'm exited about my autopsy club. Tuesday is open Mike night!

Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

A golfer told me he bought a new shirt. Because he got a hole in one.

For his first wish, Steven asked to be rich. Then the Genie asked, "What's your second wish, Rich?"

Whitney Houston loves coordination. She's always going on about "HAND EYEEYEEYE!"

It takes a really low person to pickpocket a midget.

I've decided, I don't want kids. So if youre interested, please call.

Did you know? Moses was the first guy to use "Control-C as a shortcut?"

They say child birth is really painful. But honestly, I don't remember.