Double Strength Dad Jokes

Have you heard about those plastic wrapped sheep? They're laminated.

My blind friend won't skydive. It would terrify his guide dog.

Starting out, I played piano by ear. These days, I prefer to use my hands.

I'd like to be cremated into a glass urn. But that remains to be seen.

I viseted a doctor recently. A friend asked "Which doctor?" And I said, no, a normal one.

Instead of a swear jar, I've a pessimism jar. It's half empty.

Don't ask lemons for help. You'll only get lemon aid.

I don't always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs.

When a salesman with a moustahe came to my door, I told him I've already got one.

I just got a gig assembling action figures! The pay isn't great, but it's character building.

A discovery was found on the ocean floor, twitching. Seems it's a nervous wreck.

The best gift is a broken drum set. You just can't beat it!

As a kid, I got detained for not taking my nap. Apparently, I resisted a rest.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

Conjutivitus dot com. Now, that's a site for sore eyes!

Swimming with sharks is super expensive. Last time cost me an arm and a leg.