Dad Jokes of Destiny

Two guys robbed a liquor store. The first said "Is this whiskey?" His partner said, "Yeah, but not as whiskey as robbing a bank."

I gave Elsa a baloon. But she let it go.

I just love Melons! But for legal reasons, we cantelope.

My ex said I was being immature. So I made her get out of my pillow fort.

A buffalo's son was leaving the herd. So he said, "Bye, son."

They finally caught and arrested the notorious energizer buny. Apparently, thery'e hoping to charge him with battery.

My ex left me because of my gambling problem. But it's cool. I'll win her back.

I was arrested for beating a man with guitars. The judge asked, "First offender?" I said, "No, first, a Gibson, then a Fender."

Pirates have long been called pirates, simply because they Arrrr.

Q: What has 8 arms, 8 legs, and 8 eyes? A: 8 Pirates.

The doctor told Manuel, "you have cancer, but also alzheimer's. He replied, "At least I don't have cancer!"

My therapist says I'm obssesed with revenge. But I'll show him!

If Eloise can't clean up her soap addiction, she'll probably just get washed out.