Dad Joke Dreams

Did you know, captain Kirk has three ears? A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.

Mountain climbers make great commedians. They're hill-arious.

When asked "Where does it hurt?" I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. So he said, stop going to those places!

Ever notice, they open the news with "Good evening," and then spend 30 minutes telling you why it isn't?

I put a vest on my alligator. Now, hes an investigator!

Han Solo had one complaint about his steak. It was chewy.

I just discovered a device which lets me see through any wall! I call it, "Window."

Customers asked why the food was cold and bland. The chef replied, "I put my heart and soul into it!"

At the dealership, I asked about cargo space. But he said, "No, car go road!"

I couldn't pass this guy on the freeway. Not sure who he was, but his license plate said G4ND4LF.

They don't have Bigfoot in Europe. They use the metric system.

I'm trying to think of a carpentry pun that wood work. I think I nailed it.

My house has a great ceiling. It might not be the best, but it's definitely up there.

Sometims it's depressing. No matter how still I've been, there's a guy that's Ben Stiller.

I went to a bar with my Ex, until the bartender asked if I wanted a beer for her. So I said, It's a trade!

Titanic and The Sixth Sense are about the same thing. Icy dead people.

I can't stand typos! Mix up two letters, and the whole sentence is urined.

If you challenge death to a pillow fight, prepare for the reaper cushions.

This morning, standing naked in front of the mirror, I realized something. They're gonna kick me out of Ikea.

Some people say, women can't have kids past 40. Frankly, that's way too many kids!

Certain reptiles grow up to 15 feet! Although, most only have four.