A Dose of Dad Jokes

-I'm attracted to women, but they're not often attracted to me. I'm Bi-myself.

-At a traffic stop, the cop asked "How high are you?" The driver replied, "No, it's hi, how are you?"

-I'm done trying to make everyone happy. If youre okay with that, of course.

-The sign said Watch Repairs Here. I'm still waiting.

-My dad always says, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." Apparently, I'm adopted.

-I just injured myself, by measuring radio frequencies. It still hertz.

-I returned a sweater for putting off too much static. So they gave me another, free of charge.

-They don't allow loud laughter in Hawaii. Just a low ha.

-If you've never tried archery blindfolded, you don't know what you could be missing.

-The shark ate my brother's entire left side! Still, he's all right now.

-I got fired from the Diner. It seems I didn't bring enough to the table.

-Those ducks at the lake keep attacking my dog. Serves me right for buying a pure bread.

-That keyboard factory wants me to put in more shifts. Till that's sorted, I can't return or enter.

-I've been reading a thriller in braile. Something bad's gonna happen. I can just feel it.

-I haven't talked to my ex in a decade. I don't want to interrupt.

-If math is mathematical, and quizzes quizzical, what are tests?

-My doctor said I had six months to live.Until I couldn't afford him. Then he gave me another six.

-My ex accused me of burning the ribeye. But doesn't everyone make missed-steaks?

-If I said I'll be home in five minutes, I will be. You don't have to remind me every day.

-I'm trying this dating site for arsenists. I already got lots of matches.

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